Friday, September 25, 2009

How I Made An 'A' (Tentativo di Attentato Scongiurato)

As I was leaving work from the center of downtown Dallas yesterday as I sometimes do, a lady that I can only describe as frazzled and unkempt walks into the parking garage elevator while I'm waiting on the lift. She said 'I can't believe the building was almost blown up!', which raised a bit of concern on my part. When you hear that something only almost happened, what are you supposed to think? So I pragmatically replied, 'Well, it was a good thing it wasn't then, huh?'

Then my mind raced on questions like, 'Well, if the authorities told this lady, why didn't our company hear about it?' and things like that. Apparently the distribution of terrorism control information is an imperfect system at best. While driving home, I get the real scoop on what happened.

A Jordanian illegal immigrant had purchased a fake bomb from the FBI, parked the truck carrying it next to a nearby downtown building, and even went as far as pushing the buttons on a phone which the agents said could be used to detonate it. Hahaa!!! And then Ashton Kutcher ran out and shouted at the would be mass-murderer, 'You were punked, dude! Hahhaa!' (in my mind that part happened, anyway).

I kind of wondered what happened when the number on the phone was dialed. Did an agent pick up and say something? Maybe he was patched through to the automated FBI feedback system so he could leave a big thumbs up for a job well done? Heheh, we may never know.

So no one was in danger from Hosam Maher Husein Smadi (or 'Sam' as his friends called him). Samadi = Sam reminds me that mjenks just had a post about a 'Sam' of Middle Eastern descent who was a social retard and was basically shunned. Hopefully, this guy wasn't the same Sam who read mjenks post and went over the edge (probably not, because of the whole time differential and other factors).

In college, I only crossed paths negatively with one individual from the Middle East. As some of you are familiar with, in college, there are not assigned seats. This fellow I'll call 'Privileged Iranian', had apparently sat in one of the seats up front the previous day in a biology class. He glared at me with the white hot hate of 1000 suns for sitting in 'his' seat. I honestly don't think I've ever seen someone with as much absolute hatred in their eyes about anything, much less something as trivial as not sitting in the same seat as yesterday.

It was humorous. Then he confronted me and shouted. I laughed (because it was funny since the situation was ridiculous to me) and then threatened to kick his ass (c'mon, I was young), and the next day he didn't show up. It probably had something to do with his twisted sense of honor or some crap, but if you go to someone else's country, play by their effing rules.

Sometimes I wonder if that guy might end up in a terror training camp or funding one. It's a good thing I'm not in charge of the military, because I would probably use horrific and atrocious tactics (the likes of which the world hasn't seen for thousands of years) for dealing with any cities filled with people like this. Am I alone in this type of thinking? Sure, I know several Muslim people from this part of the world, but all of them seem to be pretty well balanced. It is a shame that some crazies ruin things for everyone.

I have a bit of a story about that biology classroom by the way. The night before the final exam, I was persuaded to go on a drinking spree with one of the fraternities at the lake. Let's just say that the 'Coors Silver bullets' had wounded me a bit. It was cold out, so I threw on an ice hockey hooded sweatshirt that was exceedingly warm and headed out to take the exam.

As the exam booklets were being handed out, a guy to my right exclaimed 'Man, you smell like a liquor cabinet.' Shrugging it off, everyone started to take the final exam. About 20% of the way through the exam, I began to notice how warm the heater was in the room. Even the professor was shaking his head and commented about how hot it was. Being overly hot and hung over, I started to feel sick but choked it down for another 30% of the test.

After what seemed like an eternity of overly hot stuffy torment on a flipping stomach, I stood up, walked quickly to the door grabbing the little metal trashcan on my way out and proceeded to puke at least 120 oz. of Colorado beer into the trashcan just outside the classroom door.
Of course, it was highly embarrassing as other members of the faculty stopped by and with pity in their voices asked if I was ok. I mumbled yes thanks, picked myself up and went back into the biology final exam. I made an 'A' on the final.

Uomo pazzo comprato una bomba finta, è stato arrestato dalla polizia in Dallas.


  1. I will thank you in the future not to link my name with possible terrorist suspects. Mostly because the feds are already watching me with the whole Tuesday series and whatnot.

    Still, that story was pretty funny. I bet when he dialed the number on the phone, the agents sat around in the truck and looked at each other and said, "No way, that actually worked!" And then one of them picked up the phone and yelled "BOOM!" into the receiver.

    I'm glad your building didn't get blowed up.

  2. Il gatto kamikaze è stupendo!!!! :))))

  3. At a small private college in my hometown there was a bomb scare the other day. Turns out it was rush week and the kids set off draino bombs.

  4. "a lady that I can only describe as frazzled and unkempt"

    I've often found that frazzled and unkempt beings tend to know more than they are often given credit for.

  5. That is a very good college story. We had only 3 frats at my school, the others were shut down for excessive shenanigans. The remaining 3 did have parties like the one you went to, although without the lake.

    I went to a frat party once and after 2 minutes went off with my friends to drink quietly and intensely somewhere else.

  6. Usually I don’t have to laugh when I read something about terrorists but you outdid yourself on this post. Very funny.
    Horrific and atrocious tactics? Uh-Oh, you are talking about Roman tactics aren’t you? ;-)

    Beer + warm heater = A? * taking notes *

  7. let's here it for the frazzled and unkept - it is the calm cool ones you gotta look out for....

    and I loved your bio test story - i had something similar but it was "oral interp" and there was no safety of a little blue test booklet to confide in I had to get up in front of everyone else and PERFORM.....i, too, got an A

  8. I've always heard that the best way to get an A in anything is to be as hungover as an old mole. And lo, you have proved it.

  9. hah, this might be my favorite post of yours!

    I've been laughing heartily the past few weeks with khadafy trying to set his tent up everywhere!

  10. Yosemite Sam is a terrorist?

    I bet Bugs Bunny is shitting pellets!

  11. Wow, I think that's the most offensive LOLcat I've ever seen.

    It's pretty impressive you got an A in that condition!

  12. Either you studied really hard for that test, you have great determination or beer is to you like sun is to Clark Kent. The picture of the cat is really sweet :)

  13. I only had one negative run in with a Middle Easterner in college, too.

    But he drove an SUV at top speed through the Pit (where all the students congregate) with the intention of killing as many of us as possible.

    So, yeah... those bad apples really ruin it for every one else.

  14. I bet those FBI agents were all giggly about their fake bomb: "OMG, you guys, he's totally falling for it!"

  15. ok so, background: my mother's birthday was friday, my father works in downtown dallas... his mother (my grandmother) calls my mother and says, "WAS THE BOMB BY [my father's name]'S OFFICE????!?!?" made me giggle. my mother should have said, "no. and the fake bomb wasn't by my birthday party either."

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  17. Not a hang over. Food poisoning. Probably because coors light didn't have the "mountains turn blue" guage to indicate when your beer is safe to drink. Happened to me all the time.

  18. mjenks,
    Agreed on you name mention and about my building. It is funny, I'm glad most all people that would do this kind of thing are morons.

    Il Gatto cattivo (hehe, gatto = cat).

    Those crazy college kids *shakes fist*...

    It might be precisely because they do know what's going on that they are frazzled and unkempt?

    I'll bet you have some good college stories. Yes, sororities and fraternities, always with the shenanigans...

    Dutch Donut Girl,
    Thanks, it was kind of funny, although there is an underlying sense that it might not have ended so well in other circumstances.
    Uh-oh, you saw through my proposed pre-medieval smack-down tactics.
    The beer worked for me, but I wouldn't recommend it as a lifestyle choice.

    Good points about the bad guys.
    Thanks, I can't imagine getting ill at an oral examination. Hope you made a good grade!

    It worked, I was very surprised...

    Mr. C,
    Thanks, yeah, that Libyan leader does at least have his elite women guard force who wear matching *blue* camo and are all 'model hot'.
    He might be crazy, but not that crazy.

    The Jules,
    Bugs always did, Bugs always did...

    Offensive to whom, the terrorists? Or people that support terrorism? I don't mind offending those people at all.

    I love all things biology, chemistry, economics, finance and law in which subjects I would decimate the curves.
    What I can never test well on though is accounting, marketing, or art for some reason.

    I think I remember that news blurb! You weren't hurt then, right?
    In the voice of 'Stan': "You Bastards!"

    That was like a homeland security home run. The guy needs to be made an example of soon if there is no evidence he was framed.

    It sounds like your grandmother is a valium away from hilarously funny.

    So that's what I've been doing wrong all this time...

  19. That's fair enough! Maybe "upsetting" would have been a better choice of word than "offensive".

    Sorry, I didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer! *wah-wahhhh*

    I too am glad you didn't get blown up.

    Noi siamo amici ancora? (We are still friends?)

  20. Must take caution with the Silver Bullets...likely that is what the Jordanian was enjoying (in quantity) which led to the phone call and being FBI Punk'ed

  21. Good-looking, smart, can party, and knows when to find a bucket, you are many more things than an artist my friend :)

  22. Soda,
    No worries! Ancora, of course!

    I think you are probably right, it's just sad when stupid people drink and get more stupid.

    Haha! Yes, I always find the bucket. You are too kind. Hey, I'm trying to source ingredients now on the glass project front. I'm looking into different calcium combinations as opacifiers just like they used back in the day. One of the authors of the Antioch glass book from the Boston Museum of Fine Art seems to like the idea of remaking ancient smalti from the results of their studies.