Thursday, March 11, 2010

When Gravity and Marble Don't Mix (Quando la Gravità e Marmi Fatto Problemi)

Last week, I had a delivery firm move my tile from the freight terminal to my residence, what some insiders of the industry refer to as 'Residential' delivery.

The truck operator had some trouble understanding the driving directions I gave over the phone, and that should have served as warning that this wasn't a top notch crack team of delivery specialists. The driver's obnoxious nervous hyena laugh and constant grabbing his lower back and muttering should have been the second and third indicators, respectively. I deduced that if he was not in the delivery business, he'd be a parking lot attendant's assistant or maybe a dog thief.

After the truck pulled up and the driver lowered the hydraulic lift on the back of the truck, we went aboard so I could count the boxes. The shipment was high quality Crema Marfil tile from Spain on four crates. All the boxes were accounted for and on a random sampling, it appeared to be very high quality unflawed material. Perfect.

Well, then the driver said 'Ok, let's get this tile off the truck' and that was precisely when the fun started. He couldn't get a manual forklift underneath the crates to move them to the liftgate, so he had to push slats of wood underneath the barely propped up crate, readjust the manual forklift, then finally get the crate on the lift. The first crate was successfully lowered to the ground and I happily began transfering the tile to a wheeled dolly and rolling it up to where it was to be stored. I think I was even whistling a jaunty tune, jauntily.

But then the second crate was placed on the manual forklift, the son of a goat kissing driver rolled that f'er right off the end of the liftgate onto the street. I was immediately and emphatically somewhat disappointed.

Perhaps I might have yelled out some expletives? I went inside to check with my lawyer and the guy who sold me the stone about what the hell to do when residential delivery gets personal like it just did. They advised noting on the bill of lading that the freight company dropped the tile, so I did that in ALL CAPS, so years from now, they could have a chuckle about how steamed I was.

The driver, understandably, felt bad. He called his dispatcher who indicated that we needed to go through each and every tile box to determine the damage. *more yelling*

But it actually wasn't as bad as it all looked. Only about 120 sqft of tile was destroyed, but there were however two more crates on the truck. The driver offered to offload them right then, but given his somewhat tarnished 50% success rate, I decided to wait and mull over the situation. Plus, I had to go to the Mavericks / Kings basketball game in an hour and it was starting to get dark, so I just told him to bring it back the following week.


  1. Let's just be thankful he didn't drop it on your toes.

  2. That stresses me out. I'm sure he never makes that mistake with sandbags, or gravel, or sod, but when it comes to expensive imported marble...
    Your story left us hanging. Who won the game?

  3. What I'd give for Audio.... from " whistling a jaunty tune, jauntily." to..." might have yelled out some expletives?" Such good times! lol.

  4. Just seeing that pic had my hand going to my mouth, with a OH NO escaping my lips. I can just imaging the language that was used on that scene.

    Thankfully the damage wasn't as bad as it looks. I think I would be requesting a different delivery driver.

  5. I can't imagine anything worse than the son of a goat kissing driver, laughing like a hyena and clutching his lower back. Well I suppose it would be even worse if he was playing the bagpipes.

  6. WendyB,
    It was at the time, but they say the shipping insurance will pay for the damage, so it wasn't as bad as it seemed at the time.

    Yes, that thought went through my mind. Stone is usually heavy in quantity.

    Of course, the lighter the load, the better the service. Oh yeah, the Mavericks won, but it was close around the half.

    Toni James,
    Yes good times, but very stressful.

    I felt sick and died inside a little when I saw all that beautiful marble going over the edge.
    Good to see your computer is working again.

    Oh no, you jinxed it. I bet he'll show up again with pipes...

    Heather Cherry,
    Wait, the driver or me? I agree if the driver. Is a jackhorse kind of like one of those jackalope things?

  7. oops. How irritating. I hope you mentioned the words "clumsy pigfucker" and brandished some sort of hazardous chemical in a spray gun? Or is that just my way of coping with disappointment caused by others?

    Seriously though, what a bummer. I hope you get it resolved and don't lose money and stone.

  8. Oooh I would have punched him in the genitals! I hope they are replacing what was broken?

    A few months ago I was helping my Aunt move. She was leaving her husband while he was at work and had hired Two men and a Truck. Three young, hungover and possibly stoned guys showed up. When they were getting some things out of the attic, one of them fell through the ceiling and left a giant hole in the living room.

    My Aunt almost went into cardiac arrest.

    That's my moving story. The end.

  9. You see, this is why you should work in Playdough.

  10. Ouch!!!
    I'm glad you didn't kill him.

    A dog thief?

  11. yowza.... at least you got some good yelling out. never underestimate a good yell where yelling is due.

  12. Vegetable Assassin,

    Your mention of brandishing hazardous chemicals reminded me of the odd yet hilarious skit 'Josh Acid'.
    Mental note: don't disappoint Vegetable Assassin, ever.

    ... another mental note, like the one for Vegetable Assassin...
    I have a fear of falling through sheet rock. That is a good story. The End.
    (emulating E.H. there?)

    The Jules,
    I know, but it just won't smell the same outside after a year or two.

    Dutch Donut Girl,
    It will be ok, they are shipping free ones to replace the brokens...
    Hehe, a dog thief must be one of the lowliest criminal jobs.

    I used the stereotypical 'Noooooo!!!' 'What the $#($*% were you thinking you #$*%(*$#!!!'
    Yes, reliving the moment in my head makes me feel better. Or, did I yell just now in my haze of post traumatic stress?

  13. You think YOU have problems? My husband just broke the handle of my favorite, Nippon cream pitcher!

  14. If you re-did that all again - only this time in slow motion and some canned laughter and it's be great.

    The resultant art form that is barely a metaphor for a piece called 'disaster'.

  15. I'm narcissistic and all that, but I'm kind of curious how you found my blog.

  16. I have an award for you! Come by and get it.

    I still can't look at that pic, heartbreaking!

  17. Madam Z,
    Uh-oh, someone is in trouble...

    I think the event is still too close in time for me to have a good laugh about it, even with a laugh track. But I admire your optimism. X

    Hmm, I think you commented cleverly on one of the many blogs I follow. So to answer your question entirely I'd have to do some research.

    Thanks, yes, it still hurts even though I'm getting free replacement tiles.